Oh no….not the 5 steps

When I woke up this morning I knew something was different. I was grumpy, I was mad, and I was spitting angry.  It suddenly dawned on me that I am now going through the 5 stages of grief. {Click on the underlined link if you want to know more}

Oh no! I don’t want to do the 5 stages. I have done them before, I don’t want to do them again. Grrrrr – I then got angry with the 5 stages, then I got angry with the shower and the stupid shower door that gets stuck. Argh!

I have hundreds of questions flying through my brain all day, every day about all this nonsense. Why?  When?  How? – WHO??? I  have some answers but others will never get answered, I wonder how many other relationships have been damaged by some stupid actions. Then I sit and feel incredulous for a little while, then it starts     all     over      again.  I can’t even explain how mad this makes me.

I don’t want these questions in my head, I don’t want to be a bitter negative and angry person, I don’t want the five stages ( for goodness sake – the last one is depression and who wants that?)

I want to be happy

I want to be gentle

I want to be kind

I want to be loving

Where has that me gone?

What I really don’t get, is that I have accepted the relationship is over, and no, I don’t want a second chance, I have a lovely home in a beautiful part of the world, I have awesome children (and the cutest cat), I have work and money in my pocket and food in my tummy.  I can see a wonderful future before me and I am really looking forward to it. So then why am I so damn MAD?????   

I am the first person to tell someone to “let it go”, “don’t let it get the better of you”, “move on”

I know that this negativity and anger and       all      the        exhausting      questions        are making me sick.

I know that I must let it go.

I really WANT to let it go

Then why wont it just darn well GO!!!!???

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Right, so….. moving on, I just want to tell you that I will try not to post anymore navel-gazing posts on this subject – to be honest I am really sick of this issue.  The reason I really wanted to post today is to remind you about this:

Please don’t forget to turn off your lights tomorrow night at 8.30pm. It’s for our planet…..

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4 thoughts on “Oh no….not the 5 steps

  1. While this may sound strange, your post actually made me chuckle because I saw so much of myself in it. I hope you find something to chuckle about today, too. Thank you for the smile…

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  2. What I find so interesting is that, from what I understand from your post, that you told someone to “Let it go and move on,” and they couldn’t let it go, but took out there anger on you and left.

    And now you are telling yourself to do the same, struggling with the same inability to “Let it go” on command, and now are angry with yourself.

    I’m sure you realize that you are not the first, nor the last person to tell someone this, and for all the “right” reasons, I’m certain.

    I did learn many years ago that acceptance of where you are in any given moment (whether working the 5 steps or not) is the fastest way to move through them.

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