Firstly I must apologise for taking so long to get you out of my toilet/septic tank. I have not got an excuse. I am sorry. Secondly I must apologise for scaring you so often and chasing you down the pipe – it was an easy way out for me. Thirdly, sorry for poking you a bit on Friday night during the rescue operation – it was unavoidable. If you had just sat still on the end of the coat hanger it would have made things easier for both of us. I hear Mr Owl offers really good priced psychology sessions which you may wish to attend. I will pay your bill for you. However, I do understand if you prefer to stay away from him given his predilection for frogs.
Please be advised to steer clear of my septic tank in future. I hope you have a happy, hoppy life ahead of you.
Dear Mr Impala
I understand that your hormones are bothering you – I get it. If you want to fight all night long that is fine too, however, if you roar right next to my bedroom window at 3am again, I will come out and turn you into a pot roast….or a potjie…..or even biltong. That is if I don’t die from a heart attack first because of the horrific roar echoing through my cottage. It was 3am for goodness sake!
Please take this as a final warning.
To: The Weather Control Center
To whom it may concern,
Thank you for all the rain you sent at my request. I know it was almost out of season and therefore a difficult request to fulfill. Now my farm will still be green for my family to see this weekend. Much appreciated.
Edit: I have to add this suggestion written and suggested by Shamballa
Dear Mr. Owl
Please note that the odd smelling thing which looks like a frog but smells a bit off, is in fact a frog. Smelly frog has suffered a tough time recently and has been “through the ringer.” Please consider giving him a pass when the smell wears off.
Also, he might have a lot to croak about in the next few days; perhaps you can give him some words of wisdom, before you are tempted to put him out of his misery.